It's time once again to write about life, and thankfully today it's mostly positive. I want to get the one negative thing out of the way right from the get-go, as I don't want this blog post to end on a depressing note.
It's about my employment status. Or rather my lack there of. I've been searching for a job since around mid June of this year, so once we're part of the way through next month, that'll be 3 months being out of University and unemployed. I remember when this month (August) started, I promised myself I'd have a job by September. I still don't. In fact, during this entire time (since mid June) I've only been given one interview at Dick Smith Electronics, and whilst they were impressed, another got the gig. So now I'm applying at Super Markets, and because Coles apparently have no vacancies is all of metropolitan Melbourne I've sent some applications to a few part time roles and a casual role at various Woolworths in the Eastern Suburbs. I also want to try out Office Works, but I'm not hopeful in the regard. I may just end up having to forgo all morals and get a job at a fast food outlet. Please God, do not let it come to that.
Lame, yes. I need to cling to something though.
Now that we've gotten that out of the way, let's move on to things worth celebrating and enjoying. Voting was a very enjoyable experience, and it was great to have a hung parliament for my first election (as I voted Green). I hope this sends a clear message that there are plenty of people fed up with the propaganda and resistance to change that both the major parties adhere to. However, what was more enjoyable was Election Night party, held by one of my closest friends. My girlfriend, sister, best friend and most of the people I care about were present at that party and it was a great opportunity to see them all again. It was also a great opportunity to crack out some of the alcohol, and as I hadn't gotten my drink on since February (yes, really!) This culminated in me stripping out of my shirt, donning the host's board shorts and enjoying a wonderful drunken bathe in his spa. It did leave to a mild hangover, but it was certainly worth it.
Unfortunately no one took any photos, although I imagine this is what it looked like...
What else is going well? Just about everything! I'm feeling healthy, I've got plenty of spare time and I'm growing as a person because of it. It's so very helpful to have such a wonderful girlfriend, who supports all my endeavours and is always there for the disappointment, to comfort me when things seem hopeless. It's not something to be taken for granted, and not a day goes by when I don't think about the value of my relationship. She's showing me a whole new world, and it's extending my horizons about what I like, as well as reinforcing what I already love. I'm really looking forward to the day when I can take her out to dine. I need to repay her, quite a lot.
Just something interesting I found. It's thought provoking.
There is one thing I'd love to do. A (at minimum) weekly meeting at a cafe with all my friends. I just think it would be a great time to discuss and hit back for an hour or two, over a few hot beverages and some sandwiches. It's just an area of socialising I think I could improve on, but I'm sure plenty would be up for the idea. I think I'll end it there, on a very positive and productive note. Let's hope something comes of it.
Today began like a normal day. Alarm went off and I hit snooze three times before actually rising from my delightful slumber. I showered, with the usual process of hair, ears, body but after that - things began to go differently. When I made my way to my room, I dried myself off and began to suit up. "Suit up?!" Yes, that's right. Why would I do this on a Tuesday morning, you might ask, well in order to attempt to achieve some financial interdependency I've been searching for a job for quite some time now. This morning marked my first interview.
Oh. Yeah.
It took place at Dick Smith, Eastland Shopping Centre. It's a good store, with a wide variety of electronic products. I guess there Power House stores, such as the one at Knox City are very similar to Harvey Norman, however the one at Eastland is much smaller, but stocks similar items in smaller quantity. Anyway, they were pretty swamped, so I had to wait a while before the interview began. However, it was actually not as long as I expected, and the assistant manager (who interviewed me) was really friendly about the whole process. I think I impressed. He said they had to look over the candidates again, but they'd let me know by Thursday whether or not I'd get a second interview (the next stage in the process). So thumbs up!
Afterwards I headed over to Knox and picked up my new specs, and da-yum! They are nice. Here's some photos of them. The first two photos are the standard glasses, and the latter two are the sunglasses.
They've got a thicker frame than my old ones, but they're still blue
Naturally this means they're a lot more sturdy. The frame - not because they're blue :3
These are a lot thinner than my previous sunnies, and are a sleek black
The best thing about these ones is they won't fall off my head :3
Anyway, I'm heading out to the Hawthorn tonight for a friend's birthday. I reckon it will be a miracle if I stay for longer than an hour. I hate that place. Still, I'm trying to get a better outlook on life - and I haven't seen so many people for so long, so I feel obliged to attend. I do want to attend, I'm just sure I won't enjoy it - that's the catch. Oh well, tomorrow's another day. To your health!
So blogy faithful, it's that time of morning again when I inform you of my daily activities. To begin with let's talk about juice. I really like juice - this may be an effect of disliking soft drink with a passion, but even so - it kicks arse! Apple and Blackcurrant juice is the culprit this evening, with around 7-8 glasses, but Orange Juice is another prime time appearance. It makes me wonder how wine can taste so bad - it's basically the same idea. Ah well, no time to ponder such life changing questions, let's get on to some lighting fast bursts of my interesting, daily activities.
That beret... is horrible
I awoke at around noon, despite my proclaimed 9am wake up, that I declared on D.I.D (a group blog, with an unclear purpose and general lack of themes, much like this one - but occasionally entertaining) yestereve. One of the main disadvantages of waking up around noon is you become confused about meal times. "Do I eat breakfast, or do I eat lunch?", I hear my body say. "I don't know", comes my reply and together, we stand looking at the pantry shelves open the fridge two or three times, until eventually we find a hardboiled egg, from the day before and eat it. That's the great thing about egg, you can consider it any type of meal. Yes, even desert. Bring on the cakes. It's simply a wonderful piece of food, and because of its aforementioned versatility, I didn't feel guilty when I returned about an hour later, for some Vitabrits.
Don't feel guilty at all. Nup.
I think you know you've wasted time, when you can't remember what you spent time doing - and that's exactly what ensued after breakfast. It involved the Internet (most likely Facebook and YouTube) - but anything that involves the Internet and can't be recalled is a waste of time. I did play some guitar afterwards though and learnt the main bass line of "Jungle Groove" from Donkey Kong Country. Damn, it's catchy.However I didn't play anything particularly breath taking, nor enlighten my audience (which was Christoph for all of 2 minutes). After that I had a shower. It was a good shower, and it involved music. Mum had given me a ring a while earlier, saying she'd be home around 2.45pm, as we were to head over to Knox, so I could get my eyes checked at Specsavers and pic up some new glasses. My shower ended at 2.30pm, so I leisurely took my time as I dressed. Mid-way through said dressing, Mother rings, informing me she's practically already home, and wants me to meet me on the street. Great time estimating skills Mum.
So anyway once we'd found a park and Mum stopped complaining about a really slow driver, we arrived at Specsavers and after a couple of minutes waiting, one of the receptionists did some strange test. I look inside a standard eye testing scope thingo, but it had hot air balloons as the imagery. Very weird. She then informed me that the Optometrist would call me when she was ready, and I could go look at frames and what not. I found a nice pair of sunnies, nice and black, but sturdy too - and decided they'd be the go. Then Sanja, the wonderful Optometrist, began my test. It was pretty standard. Two lens strengths, "which one is clearer? Or about the same?" Nothing new there. My eyes have degraded a little, I've gone down another 0.25, bringing me to a -1.25. Nothing too serious, and probably a combination of expected deterioration with age, and enhanced perception which comes with mental maturity. After that picked up two pairs of glasses (2 for the price of 1), but they won't be ready for around 2 weeks. However, photos and comments will ensue shortly after their arrival.
When I arrived home, I'm once again not sure what I did - and therefore it was a waste of time. I probably surfed the net a bit, posted on Vooks and chillaxed to some awesome video game remixes. Eventually, Dad arrived and he took me down to Shell for some petrol. That was very kind of him. Unfortunately, the pump was acting up and I got petrol on the side of the car, but that's hardly the end of the world. Upon returning home, I got going with some Super Luigi Galaxy (I have 57 stars to go before I begin Super Mario Galaxy 2) and then I completely re-did the layout/theme of both this blog and The Game Over Blog - they both look delicious now.
I then spoke to my wonderful girlfriend Kim, who wasn't in the best of moods - and despite my best efforts, her mood did not improve much. It's difficult not being able to just be by her side, but I'm committed to holding on until it's easier for both of us. Eventually things will turn out fine, we just have to stay positive and keep chipping away at the mountain the separates us. The important thing to remember is - mountains are climbable. No matter how tall they appear. I finally got to sleep around 4am, which wasn't very ideal and I'm hoping to rectify this tomorrow (which as of writing, is now tonight - however I woke up at 2pm, which won't help).
Hello readers! There isn't many of you - but that's my fault. Nothing worse than an infrequent blogger - but to be honest, I've got some excuses. I'm actually trying to peg my efforts at something - and I'm achieving it, to a degree. The last time I graced this blog with mediocre vocabularly was over 3 months ago, and much has changed. In fact now, I should be able to post here at least monthly - (I would say weekly, but lets not get hasty, I have things I need to do).
If you recall (or indeed just read my previous post), I was trying to sort out all of that University hoo-ha, to little avail. The mission seemed simple, complete the degree, worry from there. However I forgot one crucial factor. Motivation. The best way to generate motivation is to visualise the outcome. For me, the completion of that degree had no clear income. The only income I could conjure up in my imagination was me receiving a diploma, wearing a graduatory scholar's hat - and to be frank, it didn't seem particularly awe inspiring.
Although to be honest, this does look hella' fun
So with no motivation, everything began to slip. First I fell behind in Japanese. Not just a little behind, very behind. The pace was alarming. I recall in high school, my friends and I used to comment on how slow our German studies were. Heh, well the Japanese language faculty at Monash University don't know the meaning of the term slow, nor moderate speed for that matter. What I did (which if anyone reads this is going in to an art degree heed my warning), was assume that one or two subjects would be the bulk of my work load, and ultimately shape my degree, while the other two would be more "hobby" subjects - i.e. skills to pick up along he way for fun. No subject at Monash is structured this way. They are all treated as if you will eventually major in them. I learnt it the hard way and was forced to discontinue my unit.
This made me realise just how career focused everyone around me one. Whether they wanted to be doctors, IT specialists, engineers or business associates - everyone had at least a vague idea of where they were going. I did not. The epiphany caused the complete and utter destruction of my motivation. My work rate for both History and Psychology plummeted, and a mild interest in Literature was the only cause for any work I got done. About a week before my final exams, I discontinued both History and Psychology - as I hadn't done a drop of learning for either after the mid-semester break. I did however, manage to complete my Literatue unit and probably a level in between half-arsed and studious. Average, I guess you would say. Anyway, I'll be getting my results for the unit back tomorrow, but honestly, they mean little to me.
"We're doctors - behold our fashion sense!"
"Hang on, hang on", I hear you say, "You dropped out of University?" Well no, I haven't technically dropped out. I'm on defferal for 12 months, but yes, I don't particularly wish to get back. The only conceivable way I can see myself returning, is if I'm focused on what I want to do, and feel I require tertiary education to do it. "Did you think this through at all? What are you going to do now?" You know, I think we should ban you asking questions from now on audience, I'm sure you're creating the illusion that I'm insane. Ahem, but yes. I did think this all through. I discussed it with many a people: my mother, my girlfriend and many friends and eventually came to the conclusion that I needed to be doing something that would motivate me. The idea would be to get a job, and hope that it would at least, provide me some financial independency. "So what are you doing now?" Shut up.
My first call to port was to work out what I wanted to do with myself in live, or at least strive for. This took a lot of time and effort. I spent many hours pondering what I could actually do with myself. I couldn't seem to list any real skills or areas I excelled in. Ironically, I could have found the answers in a very simple way. You see, there are probably six things I enjoy most in life. Spending time with my friends and family, reading, writing, watching films, listening to music and playing video games. Yes, I'm not particularly interesting. Oh wait, I forgot to include "making random noises/flapping my arms all over the place/screaming". Alright, I'm kinda interesting. However I never made the connection that some of these things, perhaps even all of them, could be formulated into a career. This is how I discovered my dream job. "Dream Job? How lame". Seriously, audience, you're killing me here! Anway, yes. Dream Job. Video Game Journalist. It's doable and it incorporates everything I love: story, music, cinematics, gameplay, writing, reading and even an social element of discussion. Maybe not the screaming and yelling stuff, but I do that when exciting news is announced, so all is forgiven.
An artist's impression of my crazed antics
So how did I start down this road? Well my first step was to create a second blog. The Game Over Blog, is my answer to this. It's been up for a few months now, and I used it as a platform to both reveal some opinions of mine regarding the industry and its developments and also to hone my writing skills. I took it a step further this month (July), by applying for a volunteer news writing postition at Vooks, one of Australia's premier Nintendo websites. I've written a few articles there now, and you're bound to stumble across one by me if you search through the latest headlines. Everything is going well in this department - the dream job is heading places. "How about that financial independency job?" Well this is a problem.
I'm finding it difficult to acquire work. I think it's because of my age, and lack of experience. I'm too old for places like Kmart, but not experienced enough for places like Dick Smith. It's a vicious cycle. I've posted resumes online, and carted a few around to different shops, but no responses as of yet. However, I'm admant I will get there. I've had my license for about 3 weeks now, and it's helping greatly with independency. It's a little painful though, as not having a job makes the fuel cost hurt. A lot. My best option is to just keep at it. There isn't really much more I can do. In the mean time I can use the extra free time to work on the dream job concept.
Speaking of that concept, what is the next step? This is where the current dilemna lies. If I lived in Sydney, the answer would be easy. Work Experience. However, for some strange reason, nearly all Australian video game publications are located in Sydney making this near impossible. I'm searching for some in Melbourne, but so far to no avail. If anyone knows anywhere that might be suitable, please give me a line. In this light however, my options are limited. I will probably press the question to a contact of mine, who is in the industry and see what he thinks/knows. However, if there is no work experience available in Victoria, what will I do? Well I think the best thing to do would be to strengthen my position at Vooks as much as possible. I intend to do this anyway, but there will be extra drive there if I can possible gain some freelance work from other online publications through my efforts.
Looks like you're not the only thing Sydney has afterall
Honestly my blogy faithful, this is a mountain we are all faced with sometime in our life. Some deal with it well and easily, some don't, but ultimately the important thing is we support each other, and do not judge individuals just because they haven't found their path in life. We're still teenagers after all. We're not smart, the world tells us this all the time. So if we're not smart, we can't be expected to know what we want to do over night, now can we?
I hope my friends who are students enjoy their Semester 1 break, and those that aren't, like myself, are putting their best into their endeavours, what ever they may be. We're all in this together.
Thursday, April 8, 2010
Dear legions of the faith,
It's time I preach to you once more. Today's topic? Not particularly defined. I'd estimate we'll dab into the horrifying inevitability of having to find a career, perhaps gaze somewhat into my own personal traits due to a descriptive Japanese assignment requiring just that, and anything else I think of along the way.
I can smell your excitement. Let's begin.
So it's an undeniable truth that ultimately, no matter how long you are in the education system, a requirement for complete independence will ultimately mean a self-sustaining career. Myself, and others in Tertiary education have known this. In fact, we've known this since the moment we asked our parents why they went to work ever day and got the explanation of provision. However, despite this it always seemed a far off and distant thing, that would ultimately just "fall into place". Obviously this is not the case.
Heading into University, I've had to make some calls in regards to specialising in particular fields. The benefits of majoring in Psychology are apparent: highly developed people skills and a great understanding of human behaviour, as well as advanced critical thinking and analysis skills, which lead to increased employ-ability. I enjoy learning about Psychology, but there is one flaw in my learning processes. I am completely, utterly and hopelessly, terrible at organisation. Despite my best efforts, I've still come up short with my organisation this year, causing tasks to go rushed or stay incomplete, leading to a pile up of work (much as the case has been, and is, this easter break).
This is why my minor is so much more easier for me to fulfill, and my ultimate dream job. A professional fiction author. The only professions that could possibly trump this would be an illustrator, band guitarist or games designer, but unfortunately I lack the necessary talent and patience required to master those skills. As a skill, writing, much like my skills in the German language, are completely innate - and I'm truly lucky I have any of such skills at all. However this just means I should humble myself, and put the skills to good use. I plan to try and write at least one short story a month, beginning this April. I'll hope to post the final drafts on this blog for anyone who wishes to read them and critique them. You're insight would be much appreciated.
However, I'm too frightened to completely devote my time to this skill, as I have a constant fear of under achieving, and to place my complete financial dependency on fiction writing would be a very poor decision, completely ignoring a thorough risk assessment. This means I must still push for Psychology, and at the very least, complete my Arts Degree with a major in the subject, and see where I go from there. The alluring 300k salary of an Organisation Psychologist is tempting, but it remains to be seen whether or not I have the talent and passion for the subject matter, as well as the ability to obtain the skills from my tutelage.
The drawn conclusion? Treat my major as a completely accademic pursuit, and try to acheive the best I can. However at the same time treat my minor in more of the light of a hobby, and pursue it with more passion than the former. This is naturally going to be quite difficult, but it should allow for the latter's work to fall more into leisure time, and therefore be less straining than if I treated it more academically. I intend to read David Lodge'sThe Art of Fiction, and employ some of the techniques he describes into my own work.
Moving on to the second topic of this blog's agenda, I've been set an assignment for Japanese 1, worth approximately 6% of my unit mark (why such a strange interger- I don't know). The task reads as follows, "Compose a self-introduction/profile in Japanese (15-20 sentences), using the language you have learned in weeks 1-5. The profile should include at least 3 adjectives". These sentences must naturally be handwritten in hiragana, but that will not be what causes the most difficulty. In truth, I've been struggling with Japanese, I won't lie. Primarily because of the incredibly difficulty of learning two alphabets in 5 weeks, guzzling pressure time I need to actually learn vocabularly and grammar. Still, this task will hopefully not be too challenging. It's due in on Monday, so I thought today (Friday), would be a good time to start.
However I need 15-20 sentences to describe myself with. So here's a few:
1. My name is Scott. わたし は スコット です。 2. I'm a Monash University student. モナシュ だいがく の がくせい です。 3. My major is Psychology. せんこう は しんりがく です。 4. I'm 18 years old. じゅうはさい です。 5. I'm young. わかい です。 6. My birthmonth is November. 7. I live in Ferntree Gully. しゅっしん フェルンツレグリ の です。 8. I'm Australian. オストラリアじん です。 9. I'm a first year student. いちねんさい です。 10. I'm quiet. しずかな です。 11. I'm thin. らすい です。 12. My girlfriend's name is Kim. わたし の かのじょ の なまえ キム です。
I decided I wanted to reflect on some important aspects of my life, past, present and perhaps even future. A good medium for this may be through songs and their lyrics. Let's see how this pans out.
So, the first thing I remember about myself, was being a generally quiet baby, with a huge temperament hidden inside. The most trivial and ridiculous things would set me off. I recall an event that we actually have on recorded on VHS: I was at my cousin's house, with a ride-in pedal car. I'd pushed it around the corner of the house away from my mother, cousin and auntie. However whoever was filming (most likely my uncle), followed me around. What the film shows thereafter, is me trying to push the car THROUGH the brick wall of the house. After three or four failed attempts at this, I let out a cry and wail off into the distance, arms flailing.
Anyway, sometimes I do get this level of frustration. Whether it be what people say to me, particular things I just don't want to do/hear/see, or whatever, I like to find a way to stop myself from reacting in such violent ways. As I grew up a common way to do this was to attack my pillow. Oh it was brutal. Even to this day I sometimes resort to pillow assault, when extreme cases of frustration are present. However by the time I hit my teen years, this dissipated rather heavily, and began to be replaced with music. One song in particular reminds me of this, because it was all about anger getting the better of someone. This song was...
Alright so maybe that was not a particularly serious example of life reflection through music, but it's still an awesome deathburger of a song. Even so the concept of having a "powerhouse of energy" and being unable to "kill the family battery has has found in me", its a reflection of how frustration can turn nasty if not handled correctly, which is something I do much better now. This was also my introduction to what I now consider to be "true metal" - I'm VERY picky. Angry music helps considerably, picking apart flaws in society (BUT ONLY IF IT'S WELL COMPOSED! ALL HAIL SATAN AND METAL!)... *cough* ... Anyway, invisible walls are also nice to punch.
The next prominent thing I remember, was the passing of my Opa. For those of you unaware of the origin and meaning of that word, it is the German (also Dutch, and possibly other languages, although this knowledge alludes me) word for grandfather. At the time I was seven years of age and I used my childhood emotional response to tragedy, which was to largely ignore it. I did cry when I saw his body prior to the funeral (which I did not attend), however being only seven, my emotional connection to him had not developed to the extent I would have liked it to. That's what pains me the most of his passing, I barely knew him! He survived some horrible things in Germany during WWII, and was a pilot amongst other things. There are many questions I would love to ask him, but alas I can't. So basically, I came to deal with this the way any child does when they loose a love one, in fact the way many people deal with deaths of people in close proximity to their heart. The watchful guardian concept. This idea, that despite being dead and no longer a direct influence on my life, my Opa is still "watching over me". When I first subscribed to this theory, I believed it quite literally. This was natural due to my age, but as I've matured my understanding of it has changed. Que our next song...
Alright, so this song MIGHT be focused more on a friend, but it still touches on the way I see some things, in regard to shuffling off the mortal coil of life, and therefore how I consolidate the death of loved ones. Take the line "I've felt his spirit through the years", it may sound a little corny, but people do resonate in your life after their passing. I see bits of Opa reflected in the family around me, even though I don't know them too well. When I learn about him, I feel like I become closer to him, even in death. The point is he's still present in someway through his relevancy to me. If I really wanted to, I could just ignore that he ever existed and go about my life, but I feel that would be a waste. It's much more rewarding trying to learn to love someone in death. Perhaps I can do that? If someone I loved died I'd still love them, so nothing is stopping me from learning enough to love Opa. I already appreciate him so much, hearing some of the stories of his and Oma's immigration to Australia. He was a loving, family man. Which is everything I hope to be. Another line like, "he lived reckless, he paid the price", reminds me of the fact that Opa was a heavy smoker. I remember, even at that young age, I was telling him to stop because it was bad for him. Point being, this song is an interesting take on death, I'd think that if a very close friend of mine died, this song would be on high rotation.
I've never really associated a song with my parents divorce. Probably because it was one of the biggest things, and most life altering of such things to happen to me. Period. I very much used my emotionless childhood reaction that I'd used for Opa to begin with. There were times when I met tears though. I don't think it's an emotion or experience that can ever be defined by a single song, because it's complexity and scope of effect on my life is so diverse it would be impossible for anyone to capture it song. For this reason, I'm leaving this one alone.
When I was an adolescent growing up, largely due to a mild hatred towards the world caused by my parents divorce, and subsequent reclusive nature, I decided I wasn't going to be a kid hanging around with the masses, going with the flow, and conforming just to fit in. At the the time this had both a positive and negative affect on me. I developed being a very caring and trustworthy person towards those around me, but I only had a tight knit of close friends. Everyone else was like water passing me by. In high school of was incredibly sick of Bogan behaviour. It honestly made me angry. These people weren't intelligent, and they were mean and insensitive. It amazed me why they had, not to mention deserved so many friends. This song by Edguy gets the gist of what I've just touched on.
Yes, yes, this song is a little silly. However it really does reflect how I felt at the time. I was cynical towards nearly everyone I met. This didn't change until I was about fifteen. I met a few people who really changed my perspective on the issue. Thanks to them I can tell who "flocks with the masses" and I feel much more at home walking "the wicked way" with those that share it with me. Nowadays I'm a lot more open to people. However once I know we won't be friends, I know.
So having opened up more to the people around me, my next desire was to find someone to love. This is rather natural I'd say. Eventually I found what I believed to be just that, but then as soon as I thought I had found it, at a point when my vulnerability was at such a high, it was torn away from me. This caused a large bout of depression which lasted about 6 months. Whilst I listened to many songs to keep me going over this period, one in particular, and line from it, rings very true about the whole experience...
Unfortunately, I was unable to find any correct lyrics to this song. Which angered me greatly. This song is actually about a father reflecting on the birth of his newborn who has down syndrome. I didn't know that at the time, and I still interpret it my own personal way. The line, "A tear of joy turned into grey", has always meant the most to me.As my love was rejected, I found all the happiness the love had brought me turned into something nasty, or as the song suggests, into "grey". An ugly, disgusting, painful thing, that should never have existed. It was as much my own lack of precaution to blame, that it was her actions, and I've learned heavily from the experience, and those same mistakes will not be taken again. In fact, the last year and a half after it happened has been the best time of my life thus far.
This brings me to how I'm feeling now. I'm more happier than I've ever been. I've met someone amazing, who I relate to so much. Some of my friends say I'm finally getting what I deserve, but I don't see it like that. I see it as a gift. My life is already so rich, and to be given her on top is just unbelievable. I feel like I can do anything now that I'm with her, and I feel like everything that's happened in the past can be put behind me. I don't even think words come close to it. I haven't thought about how a song reflects this, but I may have an idea.However for the time being I think I'll let it be. I want to see how deep this goes. I want it to be a part of me. I want to be able to look back and see this as a defining moment in my life, just like these past events I've described. Most important of all, I want to be able to look back on it with her by my side.
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